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hey guys, just an update from your favorite self deprecating fashionista.

i’m still alive and well (unfortunately).

last week, i went blank (update-less) on my blog, which was weird to do, because up ’til recently i had been posting fairly consistently.

my reasoning for this was due to feeling like the emotional equivalent of poop all week. seriously, i’ve been wrapped up in an emotional malaise that has been worse than any i can remember in quite some time. frankly, this was good ol’ wholesome ‘bleak-outlook’ depression, not the ‘something awful happened to me’ catalytic type of dark clouds depression. it was pretty gnarly to say the least, (to clarify: i am using gnarly as a measure of badness, not goodness, this is a wholly contextual construct— as gnarly can go either way).

anyway, i’ve been attempting to bounce back. y’know some people assholes oftentimes can’t/won’t comprehend the concept that when you’re depressed you just have to deal with these really uncomfortable nerve-pinches of sadness and mania. it’s really tiring and frustrating, (to experience and explain), but you have to do your best to brace for the episode(s) and people’s ignorance.

with that said, i had a pretty quiet week, i didn’t do, eat, or talk much, or anything …really.

fortunately, i chose to lift myself up a bit, in typical paul-fashion: i ended up getting coffee and then convinced myself to go buy a new sewing machine, which was really sporadic, but an equally great decision.

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my sweet lil babe Singer

the following day (Saturday), i met up with my mom and took her into the city, since she was planning to go help my sister clean up her apartment, as she’s due to move out soon. it was a bit of a harrowing journey, due to the temperature (it was freezing) and some shut down subway lines (thanks MTA). ultimately, we had lunch and parted ways, since i had some plans to go to the Brooklyn museum for a cool exhibition.

so, i decided to chill, and realized that i was a lot more exhausted than anitcipated. as a result, i ended up accepting the day as a wash, and then planned to go to the Met the following day. this was a pretty fair concession, since i really wanted to see the Michelangelo exhibit that was on display there (for only like 6 more days).

so, i started my morning off by getting brunch at my favorite little brunch place, (i’ve mentioned this place before, but dang it is amazing). i had my classic, oatmeal. (and as many of you know, oatmeal is like…my favorite food on this planet).

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can we appreciate this lil oatmeal crock???

after eating, i made my way over to the Met, and boy, oh boy was it crowded. fortunately, a friend works at the info desk, so i was able to skip the line and have easy entrance. sadly, i had to traverse through tons of people to reach the exhibit, (which was located in a far corner of the museum. anyway, when i got there it was fucking infested with tourists and swarms of pseudo intellectuals and faux art snobs really exciting to see in person. honestly, the amount of onlookers, was a bit…too much for me, especially since i get anxious in public crowds. however, this was offset by just being able to view a fraction of Michelangelo’s body (pun intended) of work(s) in person. that experience alone, was enough to make me feel the everlasting immensity of his legacy.

**(so much of a legacy that it honestly made me want to crawl back into the womb and start over as an artist).

as i skirted through the exhibition, i gradually found my pace and went much slower, so as to observe many of Michelangelo’s figure studies and sketches.

i accredit my interest in those figure studies as due to being a barebones essentialist. i need to examine art in its rawest form and see the visceral process(es) for how things came to be and were structured. it’s basically the same way i view fashion. i need to know the identity, inspiration, then the structure and fabrication, followed by the stitchings, cut, drape, and so on.

i marveled over many of these studies, because for me, these humanized Michelangelo, who i can only identify as either: a template preeminent artist or as the comic relief, orange bandana wearing turtle, who I grew up watching.

— but seriously, seeing the foundational process of some of his figures, remarkably drawn out and captured, while being contrasted with some hastily and crudely sketched appendages really made me feel… just a few inches closer to his artistic process and his humanness. some of his meticulously captured details (muscles lol) in these tiny partitioned squares that would later be sized to fit into a segment of the Sistine Chapel’s ceiling were overwhelming for me.

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speaking of which, the exhibit, of course, had a recreation of the ceiling of the chapel; the Met, used their own ceiling in an elongated room and then surrounded the display with various studies that Michelangelo had conducted and would eventually implement into the Sistine Chapel.

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this sort of display was certainly effective in making me feel like nothing I ever contribute to society will even come within a single percentile of his grandeur. of course, I’m okay with this, but still, damn.

naturally the exhibit had other artworks related to Michelangelo. a favorite of mine was Federico Zuccaro’s: “Artists Drawing in Michelangelo’s New Sacristy for San Lorenzo”; which was a depiction of exactly what it described… a drawing of people within the New Sacristy, behaving in an array of manners, some observing and drawing, while other were relaxing or even climbing structures to get a better view of Michelangelo’s tomb of Lorenzo II de’ Medici.

i immediately found a depressing modern parallelism of this concept in the form of the hordes of museum onlookers who were sticking their phones in front of picture frames to take photos of these images.

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Zuccaro (left) — onlookers (right)

of course, Zuccaro’s depiction was meant to emphasize the lasting greatness and reverence of Michelangelo. the present equivalent that I’ve brought forward only shows that while humans adapt, technologically, we are still socially unaware creatures. ((this isn’t to say i wasn’t taking photos too, because i did, as you can see!~ but i really tried to take photos in a considerate way to other viewers, so as not to take away from their experiences)).

as i left the exhibit, i of course paraded through the permanent Monet displays, which is always a fun activity for me. naturally, when i was going through some of the other amazing permanent collection artworks, i had to stop and take a picture of my favorite Klimt work: Portrait of Serena Lederer.

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anyway, that was my Sunday night— into Monday. the latter was just me, meeting my mom for a quiet brunch, and then eventually headed back home to rest and have a bit of normalcy after some busier days. (which i am still doing, as i write this and drink some earl grey).

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paul starter-pack

hope y’all are doing okay, i’m still hanging in there. PS if you’re in the NYC area please try and go see that Met exhibit!~ (or if you want to come hang out with me!). ( ̄▽ ̄)ノ

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